Gone, you are, and gone, am I

My love,


Two years to the day. Two years I’ve spent living as half a person. Has it only been two years since I lost you? It feels like an eternity has passed since I last glimpsed the cascading black waterfall of your hair. Yet it also feels like no time has passed at all; your scent of fresh spring rain still lingers on the empty half of our king bed.


I’ve finished the book, I’m sure you’ll be glad to hear.The morning after that fateful incident, as I was re-assembling the manuscript’s paper skeleton, I thought we could both pick up the rudely shattered pieces of our lives too. Naive. Looks like we’re a story that will never see the words “and they loved happily ever after”. Seventy six times I’ve had the blood thrumming in my head, urging me to let my book- my craft, my other love- die. Seventy seven times, I heard and felt your lilting soprano smooth my crinkled brow: “You can do it, love. I believe in you”. It’s this phrase that adorns the second page of ‘A Clockwork Orange’, beneath the name of the only woman I’ll ever love.


I’m dead too, just like you. I died twice. First was when your snow white lids did not flutter open and stayed still, lashes casting long shadows across your cheekbones,even after I called your name and shook you gently. Your rosebud lips did not quiver even as my own lips and eyes trembled in dread. The second death was when I felt no cadence jumping up to meet my fingertips in the way the stray rabbits would reach up to nuzzle your hand. My own heart flat-lined, as if it desperately wanted to be in sync with yours. You just lay there in the swaying grass and pastel flowers, bundled in your favourite yellow and royal blue dress. Like you were merely sleeping and waiting for your prince to awaken you with a kiss of true love. The whole time, a bitter smell of almonds dancing around the vial cradled in your soft palm. That gleaming red vial: looking all innocuous when in fact, it hid a toxic secret. One you had been seduced by and partaken from.


You were strong for too long. I should have seen the signs. The dark moons hanging from your eyes. The way in which your bones dug into me when I held you in my arms. The long periods you spent, locked up in our room in silence. And the sharp screams that woke me up, followed by muted sobbing, that accompanied the nightmares. Nightmares that probably featured four masked fellows and an absolutely disgusting violation of the sacred physical ritual of man and woman. I was merely beaten; you were beaten and raped. While our bruises faded and bones healed and we stopped bleeding eventually, I know they took something from you that could never be replaced. And the loss of that something drove the love of my life to her death. You shared nothing about your experiences and feelings about that night, choosing instead to encase your heart in ice. That wasn’t a wise choice, my love. Ice cracks. And crack went your heart, two years ago.


In the note you left me, you wrote “I’m sorry for being weak”.  No, my dear. You were anything but weak. In fact, I am the weak one. What kind of man does nothing as he watches his lover being ravaged in front of his own eyes? You always called me your ‘knight in shining armour’. I’m sorry your knight could not dash to your rescue on his white stallion, with shining blade raised to defend his princess; he was too busy writhing in pain, swearing in English, Russian and fairytale tongues, and being subdued by mask-wearing ferals to come to your aid. That’s what hurts me the most: the fact that I could do nothing while you were being humiliated and abused. Forgive me, my love. You may also be interested to hear that The Divine Creator brought to our doorstep one of those four boys responsible for half our bed being cold at night. The initial shock of finding out his identity conjured an inferno of rage in me; I wanted to take our hunting knife and carve retribution on his body. But I didn’t. You wouldn’t have wanted me to do it. Christ tells me to forgive; that I cannot do. But I will not kill. He has already taken everything from us and I won’t let them take my humanity too. Besides, slaying the evil dragon won’t bring a dead princess back to life.


My wedding band gleams a cold silver as it stares questioningly back at me, wondering where his female counterpart is. He doesn’t know she’s sitting on your finger still, five feet below ground. These rings unite us- in death and in life. Do you remember the vows we recited excitedly to each other when we were sixteen? “And I will love you till death do us part”. Well, I still love you with all of my bleeding heart. Our story doesn’t end here, my dear. You will always be the only one, the only one I’ll ever love.


With all of me,

Your F. Alexander


Based off ‘A Clockwork Orange’ by Anthony Burgess. Written from POV of F. Alexander after his wife kills herself after being raped by four delinquent teenagers.

Didn’t plan to publish bcos it’s as stink as my mood but I think I just need some real angsty stuff to just offload my feels atm. Can I just not go to school and sit and write corny and melodramatic crap to avoid thinking about real life?


Einstein riddle (2015 version): SOLVED



This is the revised version of the age-old Einstein riddle (the one with the Pall Mall and Dunhill and all the stuff that 12 year old Asian girls don’t know very much about). I remember completing the old one in year six for fun but a few years on, I’ve forgotten the answers completely.

I’ve been told by mostly everyone that I’m smart for pretty much my whole life (#stayhumble) and I can never resist a chance to prove to people that they are not wrong. In the following, I will go through the steps explaining how I arrived at my answer:

I started with a table, which I used to work out what goes where. The table looks like this


Now onto using the clues.

CLUE 9- tells us American lives in the first house CLUE 14- tells us house two is yellow CLUE 8- tells us man in house three drinks water


CLUES 4 & 5– tells us red house is directly left of the white house and that the red house owner drinks coffee. The red house cannot be #1 as it is to the left of the yellow house, nor can it be #2 as we have already established that it is yellow, nor can it be #3 as the owner of the red house drinks coffee but #3’s owner drinks water, and nor can it be #5 as the white house is directly to the red house’s right. Therefore, the red house is #4 and the house on its right is the white house.


CLUE 1– The British man lives in the blue house so he must be in the centre. The only colour left is green so that must be the colour of the American’s house.


CLUE 7– Tells us the American plays XboxOne CLUE 11– Tells us his next door neighbour, the man in the yellow house, owns a Samsung Galaxy S6.


A process of elimination tells us what the American drinks: He can’t drink water (Clue 8 tells us the man in the middle drinks water), he can’t drink Coca-Cola because the German drinks it (Clue 3), he can’t drink beer (Clue 12 says the PS3 player drinks beer but the American plays XboxOne), and he can’t drink coffee as he does not live in the red house (Clue 5). Therefore, we are only left with Pepsi and that is what the American drinks.

CLUE 15– The PS4 player lives next door to the Pepsi drinker. Since we’ve established that the American drinks Pepsi, the man in #2 must play PS4.


There are three nationalities left: German, French and Swedish. They cannot be in the green or blue houses as these are occupied. CLUE 2– The Frenchman cannot be in the yellow house because the yellow house owner has a Galaxy S6 while the Frenchman owns an S5. CLUE 13– The Swede cannot be in the yellow house either as the yellow house owner plays PS4 while the Swede plays Xbox360. Therefore, the German has to reside in the yellow house.


CLUE 3– The German drinks coke. The person in the white house must drink beer because the drinkers of water, Pepsi and Coca-Cola have been established, and the owner of the red house drinks coffee (Clue 5). 007CLUE 12– Tells us the beer-drinker plays PS3 so he must live in the white house CLUE 13– Tells us Swede lives in the red house because he plays Xbox 360. House #1-3 already have the nationalities figured out while the Swede cannot be in the white house as the white house owner plays PS3. This leaves the Frenchman to occupy the remaining house, which is the white house (no jokes about French surrender pls).


CLUE 2– Tells us that the Frenchman has a Galaxy S5. CLUE 6– Tells us that the British man is the one who owns both the Nokia Lumia and the PC as he is the only person left with both those slots available.


CLUE 10– Tells us the American owns the iPhone 6. This is because the PS4 player (the German) is neighbours with someone owning an iPhone 6; on his right is the British man who owns the Nokia Lumia, leaving the American as the one who owns the iPhone 6.

This leaves us with the solution to the question of “Who owns the iPhone 5s?” As you can see, it is in fact the Swedish man who owns the iPhone 5s!


Hope you could follow along with the reasoning and that this encourages you try out more mentally-stimulating puzzles in the future.